I want to go here
I gotta go. We went last year, but it wasn’t planned. My daughter was on a flight to meet me in the UK and on that plane was one of her favorite rock stars, Bert McCracken of The Used. When they landed I met him and he invited us to the Download Festival 2005, promising us we’d be on his guest list and have backstage passes and all that. Since we travel without any plans, we took him up on the offer and went.
Now I want to go to Download Festival 2006 but it is in 10 days and it is in the UK and I am not.
I can do it. Put together a trip in 10 days. The tickets are still affordable. The kids want to go. There are about 30 bands out there and the crowd is small and well behaved. Not dangerous.
And we can go to France on the way home.
Let me look at those airline tickets again.
Here’s the lead singer from the band The Used who we met from the plane, Bert McCracken. He’s digging through his papers to give us some festival info.
Below is someone with interesting hair I saw at the festival last year.
The Rope up in the Tree
We went camping this weekend out by the Brazos River in our usual secret spot. There are some big trees and hills and it is so peaceful out there.
The dogs even know it, they start whining to get out the camper when we get to that dirt road part that takes us into the woods.
There is one particular oak we park under and this time when we drove up, we noticed a rope with a noose hanging from it. Me, I had to go out in the dark and make sure the RV didn’t hit the low branches.
This tree and it’s new rope friend are backlit and it is really spooky. I have a friend who hung herself from a tree just like this a few years back and I couldn’t help but think about that.
My husband tossed this little step stool out the van and where does it land? Right under that rope. Then he shut the door for mosquitoes.
This tree with it’s low lying branches looks like it wants to give me a hug or something. Friendly looking tree. Like ones you’d see in a kid show with a face on it. I’m not really that spooked. Yet.
So later I’m out there alone in the dark lighting the pilot to the hot water heater when that rope starts talking me, “Come ‘ere, you, come ‘ere.”
And the pilot won’t light.
The stool joins in, “Step right up.”
The wind blows, the rope swings and the oak branches groan. I see my friend at the end of that rope. Then an outlaw with dusty cowboy boots and spurs. And a black man covered in blood.
But not me.
Finally the thing lights up. Whew.
I run inside. The next day when everyone is around and the rope is not verbal, I ask why the hell anyone would leave a rope in a tree like that. Somebody grabs the rope and uses it to climb up the tree. Oh. That somebody will light the pilot next time it is dark out.
Now, the rope was wrapped higher the night before, I swear!
A Diet That Really Works
It is simple. So simple it is scary. Four words: Eat less. Move more.
I didn’t say it’s easy. It is not. The good news is you do not have to give up chocolate. That’s important. Necessary for life, happiness. Just eat less of it.
It really works. Those killer 10 pounds everyone talks about, those are the ones I’ve been banging away at and it has taken a while, but they are on the way out. Two to go. That’s it. Two more.
The “move more” part is just walking. Running is bad for you, I’ve seen too many young runners in the hospital have their knees and hips replaced. They regret the running, have suffered much and ended up less mobile for a long time before they get to the replacement parts. If you walk fast, it burns just as much energy as jogging. Take a dog with you and you won’t even notice you’re “working out.” If you don’t have a dog, volunteer at an animal shelter to walk one of theirs.
I also have a recumbent stationary bike i got for $100. I can’t ride a regular one because I broke my tailbone a while back and it is painful to sit on those old seats. Every other day is my routine, it is just too hard to find the time and I don’t like to wash my hair every day since it is long. I’m moving more than I used to, that’s all that counts.
So. A free diet plan that really works. No special food to buy, no diet books to study and feel guilty for straying from. No club memberships.
Eat less. Move more. I’m going to get that tatooed on my ass just in case I ever forget. If those words get bigger, then it is time to…eat less, move more.
As Seen On TV
Oh I am such a sucker for all that stuff that has that little logo on it. I just got the Magic Bullet and have been making smoothies for a week now.
I love the thing. That tooth whitener light thing? Got it. Doesn’t work anything like the whitening light thing at the dentist.
The Laser Straight? Have that too. It works okay. Batteries burn out fast and the replacements cost almost as much as the gadget.
Shed Ender? Yep. Euro Steamer? Uh huh. Ionic Breeze too, and yeah, I heard this past week those things are actually poisonous.
I’m telling you, I believe all that stuff in those infomercials.
Except that colon cleansing thing. Nope. Never. Not me.
What I saw on tv last night though. HBO’s Bagdad ER. Oh. My. Oh. I’m a nurse and it made me wiggle in my chair. Every person who voted for this war should be made to sit Clockwork Orange style for days to watch this show and all the outtakes.
Make Do
So I’m out here in my RV while my wood floors are being refinished. That’s right, parked in the driveway like white trash shacking it up.
A popcorn hull got stuck between two back teeth and no amount of brushing would make the thing budge. My floss is right there about 15 yards away, but I can’t get to it without crossing the floors.
I got one of those thin plastic shopping bags and slid the edge right through those two teeth. Easier than floss. It worked.
And if you’re ever desperate for a fingernail file, try using the edge of a quarter. I wonder what the cave women did without floss and files, plastic bags and quarters.
No Deal
I was walking the dogs this evening and it was a little chilly out. I passed a house and up on the second story I could see a woman in her neat closet, ironing clothes. First thing to come to mind was that even though she was probably toasty up there, I would not trade places with her. No way. She might have looked down at me and thought the same, I would not rather be out there in the cold walking some dogs while my closet goes to hell.
In fact, I can’t think of a single time in my life that I wanted to trade places with someone else, or be somebody else. Not even when Princess Di was getting married and the world thought all this fairy tale stuff about her life.
That’s the kind of stuff you realize about yourself when walking dogs.
Lost in Translation
I read my French friend’s email again and I think I was mistaken about her house for sale. She’s been thinking about selling it for years, so when I saw her photos in the email, something about 675 Euros, and for sale, I thought this was it.
I reread the email (it’s in French) and now I think it is the house across the street that is for sale. I’m waiting for clarification on that.
Fingers crossed.
The Octopus
A gris gris (pronounced gree gree, roll the r) is Cajun for a hex, spell, or jinx. I woke up with one of those on my head this morning. First of all, I don’t wake up in the morning, I go to sleep in the morning. But not today. I’ve got a bad cold and an earache and I’m not myself.
An email from from my Parisian friend at 10 AM gave me the envy (Cajun for craving or desire) to call her.
Okay. I have to talk French, so I warm up a little. Take a deep breath, wiggle my mouth around a little. Oh yeah, this is an international call. Someone else may be listening. Spy stuff.
Okay ready.
I pick up the IP phone and dial. Fast busy. Hang up.
The phone calls me back. Fast busy.
What?
Hang up. It calls me back again. Fast busy.
Why is this happening?
Repeat 10 times. There are 3 of these cordless phones in the house and the main base is hiding in some closet in this new house, I don’t know where my husband connected it.
And he’s not here.
I answer the thing and leave it off the hook. Check it every few minutes or so. Still that haunting fast busy signal. The thought that an open line into my house is too creepy. Hang up.
More ringing.
I have other phones ringing, the house phone, the mobile…By the time I take out the batteries, it is too late. The octopus has his legs wrapped firmly around my throat. The same creature that hung around when my dad was dying. I am not imagining this.
So I take the dogs for a walk. That’ll make him go away.
One mile later. He’s still here, in fact he enjoyed the walk and has a better grip.
Let’s see how he likes the treadmill, then. Uphill. As high as it goes.
I burn off 400 calories. That’s 4 legs. It’s easy, I’m in the zone, in fact I’m pretty sure the creep is doing the walking for me. I burn off the other 4 legs and I could go on forever. I am incapable of feeling fatigue from all of those years as a nurse.
But I have other things to do. And I’ve figured out what caused that octopus visit.
It wasn’t the ringing phones. It was the email I got from my Parisian friend.
She is selling her house near Paris. The house where I stay when I go there. A cottage that is the most perfect place on earth.
Neighbors say it looks like Snow White’s house.
View from the kitchen window. My favorite place.
View from the backyard.
