Patience SVP
I stood out on the patio in the dark, the cool breeze rushing past me and through the door, over to Blane, who was sitting on the sofa watching tv. I’d gone out there because I could hear a helicopter. I know a care-flight when I hear one.
I think I do, the heli pad was just outside the ICU backdoor, and when one approached or left our hospital, the unit would go silent, the nurses and patients would freeze, even the machines seemed to hold their breath for a moment.
There is a term for this in French, when a crowd goes quiet all of a sudden, “Un Ange Passé,” which literally translates to “An angel passed.”
Anyway, I get this thumping in my chest when I see those helicopters and a million thoughts race through my head. Usually deep dark fears relating to my own life, such as, are they transporting some teenaged driver from a car crash? I’m feeling this phantom ache for some parent out there who might be suffering the unimaginable.
And just as the copter passes directly over us, the blades frantically chopping air, Blane says what he always says in his very best fake British accent,
“You, Yes You, Stand Still Laddie!”
And I laugh as though this is the very first time I’d heard it because he’s just taken me out of a place I didn’t need to be.
I don’t think he knows the mental dynamics of the situation. Why I laugh at that one consistently, while his other ten or so other canned jokes barely cause a change in my facial expression. Like the Kevin Bacon one. Every time he sees that actor he says, “Bacon and eggs.” Blane doesn’t even have to be around, if I see Kevin Bacon, I hear it in my head. I try not to show that it drives me nuts because I am certain he is testing my patience.
Twenty-seven years to the day, and I haven’t cracked.
In my heart, I know this is one of the things he admires most about me. He says both of his parents had absolutely no patience while he was growing up. So, if I ever did explode, it would kill off something magical for him. I would never want to do that to someone who can make me feel like I’m in a Pink Floyd song. Ever.
leakelley said,
September 19, 2009 at 2:01 pm
Kitty,
Thank you for sharing this moment with such raw humanness.
How many of us have been present when an angel passed?
I like the way you brought my heart around to noticing the present angel, who makes you feel like you are in a Pink Floyd song.
Beautiful.
Kitty said,
September 19, 2009 at 8:46 pm
Thanks Lea. So great to see you around again, yay!
Yesterday was our anniversary, another brick in the wall. 27. Whew.
Norm said,
September 20, 2009 at 12:53 am
It IS funny when a sound or event flips the switch for a memory cue and the dialogue kicks in automatically – either internally within my own head or verbally to another, usually my wife. She still laughs, groans and smiles good naturedly at mine.
Congrats on attaining another brick!! Meantime continue to ‘Shine On You Crazy Diamond’.
(Beautifully written piece, btw.)
Kitty said,
September 20, 2009 at 2:28 am
Thanks Norm. I will have to ask Blane if I have some auto dialogue. Maybe I’ve been using some of the same jokes as well.
A long time ago a friend of mine was talking about marriage, how it was like a planting a tree and how he never wanted to get divorced because he could never grow another system of roots like he had with his wife. He’s still married to her and enjoying the shade of his “tree.”
This same friend also said “A candle lights a path at the cost of itself.” LOL.
Norm said,
September 20, 2009 at 3:40 am
Your friend is wise and fortunate. Having been divorced twice I’ve lived that rootless existence – the only visual I can think of is being cut in half and longing to be whole again.
I hope we all enjoy travelling our paths for another 30 years or so before our wicks are extinguished and lights dimmed.
Ginny said,
September 22, 2009 at 10:12 pm
Kitty that was so beautiful.
I only hope I’m writing something similar in 16 years. Of course, I’ll wreck my post with a gratuitous poop reference, but you know what I mean.
Kitty said,
September 23, 2009 at 2:02 am
Thanks, Ginny, and yes there has to be a poop (or fart) reference, or else. Just wouldn’t be Ginny.
It’s a Damn Good Thing I Didn’t Know What I Didn’t Know « Praying to Darwin said,
September 23, 2009 at 3:05 pm
[...] Kitty at The Show Must Go On wrote Patience SVP. [...]
Sophia said,
October 5, 2009 at 4:24 pm
“I would never want to do that to someone who can make me feel like I’m in a Pink Floyd song”. Kitty, this should be the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard someone say about her/his significant other. I do not know that many women who could say that and mean it [if he ever says that Bacon joke and I happen to be there, I promise I'll hit him for you]
Kitty said,
October 8, 2009 at 1:02 am
Aw, thanks Soph. Next time we see kevin bacon on tv I’ll have the frying pan ready to hit him on the head, courtesy of Sophia. Okay?