Such a Coward…
I’m feeling crappy today because of a dream I had last night that I just can’t shake. It’s one of my best dreams, cinematically. Character is what I have a problem with.
It starts out with me climbing hundreds of steps up a mountain. It’s a setting that looks like a mashup of The Temple of Doom and the Swiss Family Robinson treehouse. Rope footbridges overlooking lush jungle growth around a marble cliffside. Beneath the foilage, five stories of heiroglyphs stamped into white marble.
There are other people like me with their cameras, but no one I know. It must be some sort of remote tourist attraction because there is a stand selling bottled water on the flat and dry mountaintop.
So I go up there for some water and while waiting in line, I spot this colossal vortex on the horizon. It appears as if half the world has folded into it already and it heads straight for us. Everyone scrams for cover except for me. I gotta get some video of this. The wind around me strengthens and I decide to go for cover. I run and run and look for a ditch but find an overpass looking thing. I hide until I hear the earth tremble and no longer feel safe.
More running.
I keep running until I get to a parked SUV. I open the door and get in with a car load of strangers. My heart is pounding, the tornado is almost upon us now, I feel safe, and the car starts when the driver turns the key.
I’ve saved myself AND I have some of the best storm footage ever recorded.
And then…
A little boy comes to the window and asks to come in. I’m about to let him in when, behind him, a crowd of people rush up, all wanting to get in. The others warn if I open the door they’ll mob handle the car and we will all die.
I can see it so clearly right now, my finger pushing down the lock of that door. Through the window I see the boy’s face pressed against the glass. I tell myself he is dead already.
Our car speeds off to safety.
Through the back window, I see the tornado suck up everything. First the boy and the people behind him, then the overpass, the wall of heiroglyphs, the water stand…
When the storm is gone and the sun is back out, we drive back to the scene which now looks like a landfill. News crews begin to pour in and one of the reporters asks if anyone has video of the tornado. I say I do, click some buttons on my camera, and guess what?
No tornado footage. Just video of people waiting in line for water.
Anticlimactic, yes?
I have dreams like this all the time where some big catastrophic event is coming. If there is an ending, I’m always the hero. But not this time. What a nightmare and I feel like such a coward even though it is just a dream.
The Swine
Blane says I’m going to be murdering a whole bunch of innocent people because I’ll be giving out H1N1 flu shots the first week of November.
I don’t know how he got into reading all these paranoia spreading conspiracy theory sites, he’s a liberal, sometimes a bit more than I am. Apparently the idea that this flu shot is unsafe is widespread. But hell, if the government is going to wholesale kill people, the first in line would not be children, pregnant women and health care workers.
I’ve spent enough time in after-school detention to know that those two groups are on the priority list to get into the life raft.
It’s your granny Obama wants dead, correct? There aren’t enough shots to go around and those over 65 aren’t on The List (they have been exposed to something similar in their childhood, so they are less likely to contract H1N1).
Maybe we’re being immunized with some top secret serum for the germ warfare they are going to release after all the desirables get their shots?
I hope you know I’m just kidding, I believe the H1N1 flu shot is safe and I’ll be getting mine as soon as we open the shipment. If I don’t return by Thanksgiving, run for the border, the goverment is going to kill every last one of us.
Test your H1N1 knowledge with these ten easy questions.
For more information on the safety of the H1N1 vaccine and other facts about the flu, the CDCs website is :::here:::
Off Road Guide to Holidailies
This is my favorite time of year to blog. It’s not that I enjoy the holidays, it’s because of the community writing project, Holidailies. Today is Day One and hopefully there will be a new post here every day until January 6th.
I find I write better during this time, not sure if it is because I’m writing every day or if it’s because I know more people are reading and the participation level is high. Probably both.
Holidailies is a great tool for new bloggers to build a blog. That is how mine took off. The bump in traffic is amazing. The first year I averaged thirty hits per day from there. I don’t know how the other blog platforms operate, but with WordPress, it seems once they see all this action going on, your blog post ends up being one of their top posts, so you get tons more traffic from there.
Even if you have an established blog, it is a wonderful way to keep your readership levels up due to blogger attrition.
It’s always extra special to have a post make it to the “Best of Holidailies” list. I have no idea who judges those and how they do it, but I had two make it on there last year.
What I know about those two posts is the titles were catchy and the summaries were screaming, “you have to read this.” Example: “You’re Standing in Quicksand – But Wait, Let Me Get a Picture of This.”
To make the most of your Holidailies experience, here’s my advice:
Go visit other blogs and leave comments.
Answer people who take the time to leave comments on your blog. A lot of times people keep coming back to see if you’ve answered. Ignore them, and they may never read you again.
Here are things people like to read: conflict, anything about kitchen gadgets, travel tales, how to do something well (recipes- dude, those are hot), How to screw something up (make it funny), and anything artistic.
Posts that go up in the evening when everyone is blogging is a great time to put yours up there. Over a hundred people are fighting for attention. If you post at 3AM like I usually do, your post will end up at the bottom of the stack.
If you have a camera, post some photos of what you’re writing about. For instance, if you got in a wreck, show the damage. I love that sort of stuff when I’m reading other blogs. Photos evidence. If your words don’t match the photo, no big deal, it only means you have a great imagination. I’ll be back to your blog.
Speaking of imagination. If you have a daydream or fantasy? Share that. Those are the best posts, ever.
Wishing you all a happy and successful Holidailies. I look forward to “meeting” every one of you.
Stereotypical sundown at the beach shot
Stereotypical sundown at the beach shot
Originally uploaded by cinemagypsy
How about a palm tree and a sunset?
We went out on a boat today and went to queen beds island which is
completely covered with birds. It was unbelievable. Lots of pelicans
and other giant birds, it had the feel of prehistoric times. Just
bizarre.
Then we almost got stuck in a storm that crept upon us. We tried to
outrun it, bit that dark cloud just kept following us, so we stopped
at a friend’s camp for it to pass. A guy near the camp where we’re
staying got struck by lightening. He survived to tell is the story.
We head home on Sunday, hope you all have enjoyed a dose of Louisiana.
We sure did. The dogs too, they came with us. Mireille had a fight
with a one armed crab today. It was hilarious.
Desire
Originally uploaded by cinemagypsy
I really can’t think of a better word right now for the city of new Orleans.
We are at a friend’s place in grand isle which is like a continuation of bourbon street because of the tarpon rodeo this weekend.
This is the first time in my life seeing a limo on the island. That’s trippy.
Scary bridges and poles
Scary bridges and poles
Originally uploaded by cinemagypsy
This bridge in baton rouge used to give me a heart attack when I was
little. There was a scarier narrower one in krotz springs but that one
must have been replaced because we crossed there a couple of days ago
and it didn’t look the same.
Anyway, we’ve made it to New Orleans and visited with my cousin and
his family. We went over to the neighbor’s to feed their dogs and
there was this crazy football memorabilia all over the house. They
told me the guy’s name, but I don’t know pro footballers by name.
Anyway, after we left Spanky whispers, “whoa, did you see that strip
pole in there?”
I had missed that. I know man, how do you miss a strip pole? With a
stage?
And how does Spanky know what a strip pole is?
I want this now
I want this now
Originally uploaded by cinemagypsy
I’m at jill’s (Blane’s sister’s)house and it’s so cute and for sale
and I want it.
Spillway
Originally uploaded by cinemagypsy
We went to my neice and her husband’s camp today in the atchafalaya
basin. Took a ride in a boat and got a million photos of cypress
knees, moss, and various wildlife.
I’ll write more about it later when I can upload some proper photos.
Say hello to my little friend
Say hello to my little friend
Originally uploaded by cinemagypsy
This little frothy made a home in a piece of petrified wood in my
mom’s yard.
Tomorrow I will go to my neice’s camp on the levee and see lots more
wildlife.
Slurpee Day
Did you go to 7 Eleven yesterday?
That is one day every kid has marked on the calendar. If they have one. July 11th (7/11) is free Slurpee Day. We piled in the car, all of us and headed out there. We heard earlier that Little Blane already had eight free Slurpees, the green Hulk flavor. He also claimed his pee had turned green.
The first place we went claimed their machine was broken. Yeah, right. Second place claimed they were out of the free cups. Uh huh. They offered all other cup loads of Slurpee for 25 cents. Okay.
This kid was prepared:
Little fucker drained the cherry Slurpee machine.
But that’s okay. We wanted the Monster Black Ice flavor.
Because you can’t beat having a black tongue.
Here’s something fun if you missed out on the free Slurpee Day. A pissed off Amy Winehouse beating on a fan while she sings:
As drunk/high/busy as she was, she didn’t miss a lyric. Man that’s funny.
Mireille Teaches Scrappy to Levitate
Besides flying, Mireille is quite skilled at levitating.
And Scrappy is learning how to do it from the very best.
Now don’t go telling the government about this because they might just try to draft my dog into the CIA.
Oh, you don’t believe there are spy dogs?
There was a man selling what he claimed was a talking dog. A guy goes to buy that dog and of course he doesn’t believe the dog speaks, but he goes with it, asks to see him, then asks the dog if it’s true he could talk.
The dog replies, “Of course it’s true. I used to work for the CIA, and I speak seven languages.”
The buyer pulls out his wallet and asks the owner, “How much?”
“Five bucks.”
“But Mister, that’s a talking dog, why so cheap?”
The seller responds, “He lies.”
Flying Dog
I took the dogs down to the creek over the weekend and let them run full blast and swim.
They were so excited they kept running back and forth along the sides, running so fast, leaping into the air, flying.
I told you my dog could fly.
I got Blane to swing on a Tarzan vine after promising not to put it on my blog.
But that’s too cool to keep from the internet.
Oh, the swimming dogs. Check it out.
And what happens to these dogs after a full day of fun down by the creek? A good bath. They know it’s coming. They go straight for the hose when we get home and wait for it.
How to Take Clandestine Cathedral Pictures in 10 Steps
Photo by www.stuckincustoms.com
I was browsing Flickr today and found this dude’s Flickr page. His photos are out of this world amazing. His blog posts about them are also amazing and entertaining. Here’s an excerpt of the post on the above photo. (Go on, the guy has character.)
My method for getting tripods into cathedrals and shooting is this:
1) Go in the exit and act like you are lost if someone asks
2) Wear a long matrix-coat and stuff your tripod up inside like a shotgun. Try not to walk with a limp.
3) Stride confidently through the crowds like you are in a hurry on a photo assignment.
4) Work your way into the pews and have a seat. You can even pretend to be Catholic and say a few Latin words as you sit down. I suggest “Pater Noster (My Father) or Quid Pro Quo (Rub Beads and go to Heaven)”
5) Slide out the tripod and assemble along the ground, When other parishioners look at you suspiciously, give them the sign of the cross.
6) Watch for old people in the main aisle, because they have trouble getting around tripods. Jump out, take your long exposures at 100 ISO, then sit back down.
7) If securty comes to get you, blame Stuck In Customs and that will confuse them long enough so you can make a getaway.
Don’t worry about getting caught. The church is much more leniant than they were during the Inquisition. Most big cathedrals do have crypts, but they are full of dead saints and they have never put a photographer in there.
9) If you see a tourist with a tiny camera taking a picture with the flash on, please tell them to stop. The flash does nothing in that situation. It’s just embarassing for them, really.
10) If you want some post-processing techniques, check out my tutorial at stuckincustoms.com/2006/06/06/548/
What a personality.
Here are some quotes I like from his post about post-processing techniques/.
Regarding Photomatix:
Now it is time to fire up Photomatix and get crunk in the HDR house. Okay that was stupid.
Regarding tripods:
You gotta have a solid tripod. What? You don’t want to carry around a tripod? Comon… if you are going out to shoot beautiful pictures, you better get serious. Also, if you have it over your shoulder or carry it in an aggressive way, it makes an effective weapon. As you can see, I go all over the world, often into sketchy areas, and a big tripod is often an effective deterrent. I carry it so much, I am very good at flipping it around and whipping it around my body like ninja nunchaku.
Regarding Photoshop:
What? You are not good at Photoshop? First you tell me you don’t like carrying tripods, and then you tell me you don’t like using Photoshop. How about this… Let’s get you a little bit out of your comfort zone, eh? That’s what good friends do right… push you to make yourself better. If you keep doing things you are comfortable with, then you are never going to improve and experience new things, right?
Amazing, huh? Check out his website, he has some bad-ass night city photos. And travel photos, and, and, and, just go see.
Blue-eyed Horse and Other Oddities
Have you ever seen a blue eyed horse? I didn’t know they existed until I saw one today.
I think she’s pretty.
I was listening to Fall Out Boy’s cover of Micheal Jackson’s “Beat It” today (go see, it’s worthy) and thought about something from a long time ago. My Board of Nursing exams.
This test was either a full day or two full days, I can’t remember exactly, but it was quite stressful and took an incredible amount of concentration. We were all in this giant room, hundreds of us applicants from all over the state, seated at long tables. Anyway, not too far from me was a major distraction.
A Micheal Jackson look-alike sitting for his Board exam. He had the Gerri curl, the tight pants, the red zippers-all-over jacket, the shoes, and that one glove. It was stunning, as Jackson was quite popular at the time.
First thing to happen was this massive download of Jackson’s songs into my needed more than ever brain. Oh my. Then I kept looking over at him thinking what it might be like if that dude was my nurse. Moonwalking into my hospital room. Followed by the Thriller zombies. The floor tiles lighting up as he stepped on each one.
Along the lines of oddity, here’s another one of my all time favorite videos. It is Christopher Walken dancing to Fatboy Slim’s Weapon of Choice. It is flat out bizarrrrrrre. He even flies at the end.
Okay, the video won’t post, :::click here::: to see it.
I can’t watch it without laughing.
Where Are They?
I looked high. I looked low. Those ducks are nowhere to be found.
Talk about an empty nest.
They took off a couple of days ago, snuck out while I wasn’t home. We walked the neighborhood looking for them, but no ducks. They are a noisy crowd, so if they were in any of the yards near here I would have heard them.
Maybe they went to the pond by the library where the mother probably came from. There they can dive for minnows.
Water Ghost
I took the camera and tripod out today to work on photographing water. My aim was to work past the reflections and get a shot of a flower in the pool or something.
I changed my mind when I saw the reflections and decided to work with them.
This is what I got on the first shot:
Is that wicked or what?
I didn’t use any filters or change any of the colors but PhotoShopped out a few bugs that were on the water’s surface.
In an ideal world, the reflection of the trees wouldn’t be in there. If you like this photo, I’ve got another similar one on the photoblog.
Check it out if you haven’t seen it yet, I’m using WordPress’ new monotone photoblogger theme on there which is cool so far. The matting color around the photos changes with each new photo posted.
Anyway, this has been a great opportunity for me to finally get to know my digital slr. I’m finally learning how to use it manually instead of always shooting on automatic. I’m also learning the limitations of my camera, lenses, and the built in flash (that thing is harsh).
Bad Parenting
Two days ago I went out in the backyard with the dogs and while scooping leaves out of the pool I noticed Scrappy had something in her mouth. I told her to drop it and, whoa! (If you are sensitive you may want to skip this post)
She dropped a baby bird. Mireille had one in her mouth too. I made her drop it. I couldn’t understand how those ducklings were hatching so early or how they got so far from the nest. I’d been watching over that duck and they did not raid the nest. They found those baby birds on my patio which is across the pool and about 25 feet from the nest.
I was clueless as to what to do. The house was full of Spanky and her friends, about six of them and i didn’t want them to know what was going on. I called Blane outside and he said those were ducklings.
What to do? They were alive and seemed well.
Blane thought we should put them back in the duck’s nest. So we did. A few minutes later that duck came out with the baby bird in her mouth. She was trying to eat it. When she spotted me she flew off with the bird in her mouth.
The other bird was still in the nest. An hour passes, no mom duck. I knew the baby bird did not have enough feathers to retain body heat, so I held it in my hand. It died about fifteen minutes later.
All the duck eggs in the nest seemed fine. But the mom wasn’t coming back, it seemed. I kept watching out the windows for her and then noticed two doves looking all over the patio for something. Come to think of it, those baby bird beaks were sharp. Not flat like duck beaks.
Oh no!
I’d seen those doves hanging around a lot lately. Even took a photo of them last week. I suspected they had a nest around somewhere but couldn’t find it.
Doves: Bad Parents
The mother duck returned, was a little confused by the barriers we put up to block the dogs from getting to that side of the pool (the patio table and chairs turned over sideways, bags of mulch). She swam across the pool, climbed onto the side and went back to her nest.
The doves have not returned. I wonder how their babies got on the patio?
Smiling Oleander
Blane says when I talk in my sleep, it is often about flowers.
One time he told me I shot upright during the night mumbling, “Pink, pink, pink, pink, pink…”
“Pink what?” he asked.
“Flowwwwwwwers…” I said as my head crashed back into the pillow.
I think they love me too.
Bobbie Faye Is Back
Anybody like free stuff? How about signed copies of books? Yeah?
My Cajun friend Toni McGee Causey announced today a new contest to roll out her latest book, Bobbie Faye’s (kinda sorta, not exactly) Family Jewels, due out this month.
In her blog post Random Things I Do Not Understand, Toni says:
And starting today, every Sunday until my book release, end of this month, as in May 27th, I’ll be giving away two signed copies of both books – Bobbie Faye’s Very (very, very, very) Bad Day and book 2 – Bobbie Faye’s (kinda, sorta, not exactly) Family Jewels – to one of the commenters (US/Canada), 18 years old and up. (Hey, there is cursing and murder and mayhem and sex, almost all at the same time. I am not getting in trouble here.) So post anything you do not understand in the comments and next Sunday, I’ll announce a winner… each Sunday for four weeks.
I haven’t read this one yet, but the first one was absolutely hilarious and chock full of Cajun mayhem and adventure.
I just love the cover. And Toni, of course. But that’s not why I recommend her novels. And I swear it is not to brag that I have a friend with a couple of published novels.
No, Toni is a Cajun and she writes about the culture as only an authentic cajun could. Reading her stuff is like signing up for a laugh fest. I promise.
Now go click on that link and leave a comment there. Let me know if you win. Good luck, everyone.
Traiteur
When I was about four, my grandparents down Bayou Lafourche took me to a traiteur to “treat” a wart I had on my finger. It’s not that I’d complained about it, they just busted me trying to bite it off.
The traiteur had a wooden shack that was half on land and half over the bayou. He also knitted fishnets. I don’t know which one he did the most. So, I go in this old place and the man takes a string and does this “flossing” motion around my wart. Said some prayers in French. The string was green and to this day I have an aversion to green minty floss because it reminds me of warts.
The next day I was disappointed. The wart was still there. And the next, and the next, and the next. Then one day when I was no longer thinking about it, the wart was gone.
I never did think the traiteur’s thing worked. If something was to work, it had to be a bit more instant.
Years later, when I was about twelve, I read something about studies about warts, how if you believe they will go away, they will.
I thought I must not have believed it would go away. I didn’t like being tricked by my own mind or my belief system.
No wonder science appealed to me.
More years later the traiteur stuff came into play. As a nurse in Louisiana I had countless patients with strings tied around their ankles, many tiny knots tied into them. I had to dig through puffy and swollen ankles to get to these strings… The thing is, this particular treatment was to ward off swelling.
Those same patients had no trouble with the Lasix injections (for swelling), but try to get the circulation cutting string off them?
Forget that.
You don’t mess with people’s beliefs.
