Sleepwalk Freak

I am a big time sleep talker. Blane says I rattle on all night long. I don’t worry too much that any big secrets will come out because first, I don’t have any, and if I did, 99% of the time my words don’t make sense. It doesn’t even sound like English because each word is a combo of the beginning of one word and the ending of another.

My very own sleep language.

It’s worse than that, though. I sleepwalk too. And sleep eat. I’ll wake up in the morning and find a candy wrapper and oh, no, I can’t even remember enjoying the damn thing. This is slightly embarrassing.

My latest sleep adventure was sleep writing. Oh yeah. My daughter, Sweetpea caught me sleepwalking and thought I was awake. She asked me to write her a note for school, something about not being able to make it in early for tutorials, whatever.

Here is the note:


First of all, SMS is the name of my other daughter’s middle school. Sweetpea goes to high school.
Second, none of those words make sense.
Third, and this is the scary part. My signature at the bottom of that note? Not my freaking name. Not even close.


65 thoughts on “Sleepwalk Freak

  1. I do the walk and talk thing. I cannot sleep with a phone near the bed either because I will answer it in my sleep and say really strange things to callers. I have never woken up with a candy wrapper I did not remember emtying though. That would be so wrong.

  2. Wow. Okay, Carl talks in his sleep and sleepwalks, but he’s never tried to write. He does, however, try to go outside to drive the car or go finish concrete or something–whatever’s on his mind–and I have to stop him and convince him he’s got to get back in bed. I get a little jumpy sometimes because if he’s really quiet when he gets up, that’s usually when he’s sleepwalking and I have to wake up fast to track him.

  3. Toni, that is scary. I don’t think I’ve gotten out of the house like that, but how would I know? LOL. I suspect I might still work in a hospital because I wake up at least once a week having dreamed I did a full night’s work.

  4. I was told I would grow out of this and never did. I know I yell out the word Blender, as if I just won one, I don’t think I have ever gotten my name wrong. That note is hilarious!

  5. I used to sleep walk- the dangerous kind where I could end up outside in traffic- and heaven help me if something had moved or changed when I got up for my little night time strolls because I’d walk into it and not see it ( people cars, furniture- fun stuff like that.)

    That’s why I never locked my doors- if I did it before I fell asleep I’d open the lock. If someone else did I’d just stand there all night turning the knob.

    Go figure.

    The sleep talk thing just freaks people out- I’ll actually open my eyes and look at you and what comes out doesn’t sound like my voice-.

    The strange thing is that sometimes I’ll ‘wake up’ and shake my husand awake and say, ” You have to wake me up, I’m having a bad dream and can’t get out of it.’

    And people wonder why I write strange tales.


  6. Jennifer, blender? LOL. That’s definately from partying too much the night before.

    Michele, I didn’t even think of that. It’s better than my thinking “might be a scary-Excorcist-demon” who signed that note.

    Woooo Anita Marie, I’m thinking of your story where the people in the woods walk around saying “Please wake me up.” (screams!)

  7. My best sleep walking stunt was walking home from a baby sitting gig one time. I got up, greated the parents, picked up cash off a table, and walked out the door. They thought I was acting funny but did not know what was happening. It was a very short walk, they were neighbors. People who know me and know this happens know when it is happening because my voice is different. People who do not often do not know I am asleep.

  8. We should spend a night in the same room together. You sleep talking and walking, me doing that teeth thing and sleep laughing. It would be fun for people to watch.

    You never said, though. Did the teacher take the note? LOL

  9. Oh la la, Sophia, are you flirting with me? LOL.
    I grind my teeth and sleep laugh too.
    About the note, my daughter noticed it was all wrong just before she left for school. She woke me up and had me write another. Man, these kids have been laughing about it for days, too.

    Max I hope your sleepwalker self didn’t go spend that money, too. I wonder what she would have bought? [yes, answer that question]

    Anita Marie, you crack me up. Keep those spine tingling stories coming. See, I remember them. That’s when you know you have some good stuff.

  10. Well technically it was a five dollar bill sitting on a table and a lot less than they actually owed me so they thought it was real strange I just picked that up and walked out. Back then? I would have spent it on Cokes, shoes, jewelry, or clothes. Not much has changed.

  11. You have your sleepwalker zombie under control. Mine would surely buy a 5 pound hunk of chocolate. Oh hell, it has. On those international flights I sleep the whole way and when the plane lands, I wake up with a sack of duty free Toblerone, cosmetics, and watches.

  12. You may never guess it but I was a good sitter and never had any trouble with the kids… everything was in apple pie order when the folks got home- chores done or whatever.

    Here’s my secret I’d tell my little charges stories before I sent them to bed.

    But the deal was that after story time they could stay up for a little while longer and if they were really, really good I’d let them keep the lights on.

    Then I’d take the money and buy Candy, Records and magazines 😉
    Yeah I’m Wicked alright…;-)

  13. You had to say Toblerone, huh? You just had to say Toblerone. Ugh! May you sleep talk so much tonight you wake up with a sore throat and there’s no water in the house. Ugh! And the last tap drop… the dogs drink it.

  14. Bedtime stories by Anita Marie? Muhahahaha. I bet those kids still sleep with the lights on.

    Sophia, that is the strongest curse I’ve ever had put on me. The dogs drinking my last drop of water, LOL!

  15. You just keep getting weirder and weirder.

    I have never sleep walked, I talk in my sleep though, and if you are awake and reply, I can hold a whole conversation with you regardless of topic. None of it is ever true, so this amuses German to no end.

  16. Actually one of the “kids” grew up to be a Cop ( NO I’M NOT KIDDING) and the rest who are in their late 20’s and early 30’s think Stephen King writes ” cute ” stories.

    ANITA MAKES HER MARK hahahahhahahaaaa

  17. The worst one was when Carl got confused and ended up in the kids’ closet. Since he couldn’t go forward, he decided to go *up* and he was reaching and grabbing for something like a ladder, only there were just shelves there, and the stuff was raining down on him and he was oblivious. I had to pull him out of there and get him back to bed (he rarely wakes up). He was bruised the next day. He’ll also tell me the most bizarre things and if I ask him to repeat it, he does but he starts sounding annoyed, like I’m being daft or something. Usually these are so freaking funny in the moment, I am rolling laughing and then still have to chase him down. It’s made life interesting, that’s for sure.

  18. My ex used to suddenly pin me down on the bed “cause the plane is in a nose dive and about to crash!!!” or violently push me out of the bed “cause the train is heading straight toward us”. I’d tell him he’s dreaming, but he’d argue. He’d have long conversations while fast asleep, but I got woken up nursing bruises. He’s ex.

  19. You know, I was reading that thinking, “Toni’s Carl and Kitty should never sleep in the same house,” and sure enough, Toni spoke up.

    I don’t think I sleep anything. Except I might snore a teeeeeensy little bit.

  20. Liv, I told Blane what your ex did and he’s cracked up. I was too. I guess in a metaphorical sense he was right, huh?

    Pooks and Toni, it’s funny both of you are around here today, I am actually working on a blog entry about how I slept in Toni’s yard one time… Tune in next week for details.

    Jennifer, that’s a good Idea, but I’m too scart to do it. It looks like it says, “Kalli Kriss.”

    Wow Anita, a cop? LOL. I’m sure he carries silver bullets with him at all times.

  21. Ah, sleep disorders…..

    I sleep eat too. But it is only when I take Ambien. There have been lots of stories about this. I have woken up with popcorn all over the bed and no remembrance of cooking or eating it. So I guess technically I must be sleepwalking too in order to get to the kitchen and cook.

    Rob says one night i was asleep sitting up with my book and arguing like crazy when he tried to take it away. Of course I have seen him do this with the remote without Ambien.

    I don’t have the same reaction to Lunesta so I stick to that.

    I also remember having “sleep paralysis” as a teen. Check it out:

    ….you enter the paralysis state of REM sleep but you are technically awake. THAT is creepy as hell.

    I laugh and talk too. Like you said once before, I wake myself laughing out loud. Don’t know if I talk or not because no one is awake to hear me except the cats, and they don’t tell me.

    Think the last time I did anything remotely like this without the influence of medication was back in my teens.

  22. I’ve had sleep paralysis as a teen as well. It lasted for about a month and scared the hell out of me.

    I have tried Ambien, but that was years ago and it did not help me stay asleep. Everyone in my birth family has this sleep walking and sleep eating problem. I think it is inherited in my case. My doctor refuses to prescribe sleep meds for me. I used to give them out like crazy when I worked in the hospitals, but docs are so careful about prescribing them now.

    I’ve got to do some work on this sleepwalking thing, be funnier, like Toni’s husband and Liv’s ex.

  23. I had night terrors and sleep paralysis as a kid. That stuff is not fun.

    Listening to you guys though I think my sleep walking and talking is tame. I am a downright Pollyanna.

  24. Oh, I remembered the last one. He got up (just a couple of weeks ago) and he was mumbling something as he walked (toward the back door exit, and I was trying to move around him to block him because he was not exactly dressed for the occasion) and I couldn’t quite understand what he was saying. So I asked him again and he looked at me like I was a complete moron and said, “Matador!” very loudly, like that was a perfect explanation. Just the one word, Matador. So I start laughing, trying to get him to expand on this, which he sometimes does, but he just kept looking annoyed, saying, “Matador!” and then just stopped, turned around and went back to bed. Beats the hell out of the time he was extremely cranky about me not letting him go outside (again, not dressed for it)(er, at all) in order to get the paperwork for the trailer.

    He never could keep secrets, either, Kitty. Total open book. Has to wait ’til the very last minute to buy presents because he ends up spilling it within five minutes of being home.

  25. Now, I am thinking hand writing analysis compare it to your day time hand writing.
    That is how bored I am right now. Maybe your night personality is a sybil nah… still like chocolate in the day. Or do you ? lol

    I am pretty sure my friend had sleep paralysis and he thought an alien was in the room. LOL

  26. Mom, is that “machine paper” at the end of your note? I’ve heard you refer to “machine paper” many times when you sleep talk, this must be something buried deep within your psyche.

    – Me – Mom, where’s the heartburn medicine?
    – You – Umm, nm nm, go look on my desk for the machine paper
    – Me – What?!
    – You – The machine paper, its on the …… zzzzzzzz

  27. Did y’all see the clouds part and the angels sing when Blane Jr. walked in here? (I did)
    I think it says “machine” for sure. Machine paper, huh? LOL. That would be the rolls of paper I used to load into the heart monitors at work.

    Jennifer, my daytime handwriting is much neater, but I can tell it is clearly mine. When I had sleep paralysis, I also “saw” a green arm come out from under the bed and grab me.

    Toni. Matador? LOL. I definately have to work on my sleep talk vocab. Oh, and the thing about spilling guts about gifts? I have that too.

  28. After the closet and matador episodes, I would say it is time for the werewolf treatment. Just cage him up at night. It is for his own good and is the only way to be sure.

  29. Pingback: Celluloid Blonde Award « California Blogging

  30. My fiancée sleepwalks and sleeptypes. XD It’s a long-distance relationship – we communicate over MSN mostly, and she can even use it in her sleep, though what she says is usually random nonsense.
    She’s also very suggestible when she’s asleep, even when she’s not sleepwalking. If you give her a simple order (such as “Move over” or “Move your hand” or something) she’ll do it, without waking up. I found that out by accident – she was asleep lying across my lap, and I had a terrible cramp in my legs. I didn’t want to wake her up, but I really needed to stretch out, so I just said, jokingly, half to myself, “Come on, please move…” or something like that. And she did. She slid off me and carried on sleeping peacefully. XD I was like “…Whoa.”
    As for me, I sometimes sing in my sleep, but it’s very quiet, so you have to be really close to hear me. I don’t sleepwalk or anything like that. Though once I wrote the start of a text in my sleep, but I didn’t send it. I woke up to find “It’re” written on my mobile phone screen.

  31. I was trying to find one to link to but it looks like she deleted it or something. It was REALLY cool too, if a little… macabre? I think that’s the word.

  32. Jutah, she has excellent work on her gallery. I had checked yours too, and so sorry, I don’t have an account to leave a comment there.

    I notice the link to your gallery is not working today. What up?
    Keep writing, dude.

  33. Probably deviantART’s fault. They get a lot of bugs sometimes.
    And thanks! It’s nice to know people like my stories. Yeah, Froggy draws awesomely well.
    I’m actually trying to hire an artist so I can move into the realm of comics, since I can’t draw very well myself. Would anyone here be interested? ^^;

  34. That’s okay, I know people who work together on projects and don’t get paid unless the work sells.
    Well good luck with the comic and have fun with it.

  35. WOW I like the angel 1 too. ive had many sleepwalking adventures, my latest is getting outta bed, going to my front door and rattling the knob, all the while yelling my moms name. My mom screamed at me, then sent me back to bed. I was still yelling her name. It was CRAZY.

  36. Glad I read this and you shared it about yourself. I am going to try to wind down for the night…I might actually sleep. Last night I did so with the help of a relaxation CD I played right before bed.

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