By the bloodsucking bastard mosquitoes in my backyard. Forget annhialation. Bug spray only makes them stronger. This is something they discuss at their buzz parties by the light of the bug zapper. Along with their evil plan to take me down.
How do I fight back these mutants and reclaim the property I rightfully own and wish to enjoy?
You know those fancy mosquito nets that are all the rage for interior decorating? They are quite useful outside, too. This particular model is made for king sized beds and it fit perfectly around my patio table.
Laugh all you want, bitches. This shit *works.
Now I can sit out there and write when it is too noisy inside. Or watch my barbeque. Or breathe some fresh air without getting eaten alive.
I am also vengeful. At night, I taunt them with my bug lights.
*Not a single mosquito was harmed or **killed.
**Not by choice.