Say “List” Again

Blane and I got in a big fight last night over household duties. If he does a couple of batches of clothes he convinces himself he has done all the laundry AND all of the housework, too. (Meals cook themselves, bathrooms stay clean, dust dare not settle in this house, dishes find their way back into the cupboards and I do absolutely NO work. Lucky me.)

I usually just laugh it off even while we’re arguing. When I’m laughing, he’s safe. If I stop laughing, everyone should run for the hills.

I didn’t get the childhood nickname “gueppe” (wasp) for nothing.

When I get like that, Blane usually eyes the kitchen knife drawer. Not that I’ve ever pulled a knife on him, but it is so rare that I do actually get mad, he just has no idea of what I’m capable of. He knows I can fight, I was raised with four tough boys. I’ve also told him he better never lay a hand on me because that is when all rules are out the door and he could get cut.

What set me off last night was him saying he was going to make a list of chores for me to do. Him. Make a list. Of housework. For me. A list.

First sign of danger: Kitty goes quiet.

Second sign of danger: Kitty’s eyes narrow.

Third sign of danger: Kitty also eyes the knife drawer.

I was enraged. As any mother knows, this is damn near slave labor. That I do it, when I do it, how I want to do it makes it feel just “damn near.” I went Samuel L. Jackson on him:

Me: Say “List” again. I dare you. I DOUBLE dare you. 

Him: What’s wrong with a list?

Me:  Say “LIST” one more gotdamn time.

He punched the wall and ran off to his little cave.

This morning I put on my warrior shirt: 

They cracked up when I showed up in that shirt at the dentist. I laughed too, I usually don’t leave the house with that on. Then I got stoned on laughing gas. Found magical solutions to all the world’s problems. Forgot them as soon as that stuff wore off.

List. What nerve.



22 thoughts on “Say “List” Again

  1. That’s funny. I know you love your family, but can you ditch them for like, a week, and then come back and see how things have decayed in your absence?
    It’s more extreme, but this year the morsel has been living with the ex, and they’ve both learned a bit more about what it takes to run a household where you aren’t the center of the universe.
    I saw you boycott and let the dust fall where it may…

  2. A freakin’ LIST?!

    I would have gone in a rage, then made an identical list for him. But do not listen to me, I am the one with a 3 month dirty-dishes stand-off that ended up in a breakup, lol.

  3. Kitty, you don’t need to go away for a week. Every Monday, I leave the house clean around 2 o’clock. My family doesn’t get home till 7. I get home at 10. Somewhere in 3 hours the whole house falls down. It takes me a good hour just to pick up the worst.

    Take a 3 hour break when the rest of the family is home–preferably around dinner. They’ll notice what you do. ‘Course they could get really crabby about your breaks like mine do 8)

  4. I did take a week off recently. I drove all the way to Louisiana to bring his mom home. I could have just let her go back on the plane as scheduled, but we all wanted her to stay an extra day and visit.
    I stepped up and volunteered to drive her home. Seven hours of driving. Each way.

    I did not turn around and drive right back home. There were storms for the first two days. And hey, I have a mom there and felt like doing a little mom visiting, myself.

    Did I get a thank you from Blane for my noble deed? Nooooo. I got a call about three days in, “You enjoying your vacation?” So I took another two days of “vacation time.”

    About washing clothes, he puts the reds in with the whites. Oh that’s helpful!

  5. Ahuh, I knew it–crabby when you take a little time for yourself. My guy is that way, too. At least mine realizes he isn’t being fair and tries to act like he’s supportive 8)

  6. I’ve looked at this post three times today. Incredulous at the whole friggin’ idea of that list. Glad there is even the slightest ACT of being contrite. mostly though I keep coming back to look at that t-shirt. I love that t-shirt. I want a picture of you in that t-shirt. I wish MY name was kitty… anyway – stay strong and strike if you need to!

  7. Sulya, the idea of a list floored me. It was humiliating, especially after the 5 course steak dinner I had just fed his pig self. LOL. And washed all the dishes.

    It is rare, extremely rare that he loses his mind and says something so outrageous.

    He knows better than to say that “L” word again, I promise you that much.

    My “B A D Kitty” shirt is a sweatshirt i got on clearance somewhere. When I was a kid, there never was anything with “Kitty” on it. Now everything is “Kitty.”
    There’s a lot of goth Kitty stuff in the UK.

  8. I can’t believe it. Not one guy spoke up. Not one, Bro, in defence of poor Blane. What a bunch of yellow bellied chicken gizzards! Well I’m not afraid. I’ll speak up….
    next week when I’m out of North America.

  9. Yeah, the time to say you think someone is just not doing enough work around the house is NOT after that person just slaved over a five course meal you ate and forgot to appreciate or after that person picked up their plate, your plate, your children’s plates, and singelhandedly washed and put away every utensil and bowl and pot and pan used to make that unappreciated meal.

    Men are dumb.

  10. Just make sure when you speak up there’s no list involved, Brut. Oh, and don’t forget, I know how to find Paris.

    That’s what I thought, Max, the nerve. I can’t remember what he was doing while I was out grilling the steaks and sides, but he wasn’t grilling with me. He might have been doing some work. I bet he was working on the taxes. LOL.

  11. “Yeah, the time to say you think someone is just not doing enough work around the house is NOT after that person just slaved over a five course meal you ate and forgot to appreciate or after that person picked up their plate, your plate, your children’s plates, and singelhandedly washed and put away every utensil and bowl and pot and pan used to make that unappreciated meal.”

    No doubt.

    “Men are dumb.’

    Can’t argue with that.

  12. He ACTS sorry?
    They’re not sorry until they FEEL sorry. Can they “feel” sorry? In my experience not. They’re only sorry about how their actions affect them, not that they upset their better half.
    I just can’t friggen believe it!!! How many years have you been married? And he has learned what? LIST!!!!

  13. Got a good one here for him to show you how sorry he really is. If he likes lists, let him make some. Every day for a couple of weeks (or for the rest of his natural) he should write a list of everything you do. He’ll have writer’s cramp after day 2.

  14. “he should write a list of everything you do”

    And I should challenge him to repeat that list the next day. He’d be stuck at the cooking part since he doesn’t know how.

    I wouldn’t want to do what he does, however. His job is difficult. I wouldn’t dare make a list of work I want him to do on top of that job. Wives do it all the time, I guess. The honey-do list. I’ve never made one.

  15. No I didn’t mean for him to do it. I just thought if he had to note down everything you did, he’ll be very surprised how long that list would be, and he would know.

  16. Last year Blane spent a couple of days with his grandmother in the nursing home. I think he spend a night with her there during her last few days.
    He came home from that trip and said, “I can’t believe how hard those nurses work, they never have a break, I feel sorry for them.”

    All these years I had been a nurse and although I never worked in a nursing home, I worked a lot with the elderly and incapacitated. I think he is still clueless as to how hard my nursing job was. I guess a lot of it has to do with that fact that I am not a complainer. I tended to come home and tell him the funny stories, the bizarre tales, and the ones with the feel good endings.

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