Something new with Mom since our last visit is she is using a walker. I sort of act as if it isn’t there even though it disturbs me to see her use it.

Physically, she doesn’t seem to need it. She’s only in her 60’s and she walks well without it. Hell, she’s just dragging this thing around. Mentally, she is dependent on it. She’s got a weak knee that gives out on her at random and sends her tumbling to the ground. I do remember over the last five years seeing her fall too many times to count. Last year, she fell and hurt her shoulder. Now she is afraid to walk on her own lest she end up with a more serious and crippling injury.

I asked her if she could have her knee rebuilt. Surely someone can do something? Nope.

Then I wonder (to myself) if it would help if she lost some weight? Anything to get rid of this visual that my mom is getting old. But she’s very sensitive about that and it never does any good to go there with her. Anyway, I’ve never seen her overeat and she is brilliant when it comes to nutrition. I have no idea why she is not thin, this never made sense to me.

With this bad knee and walker thing, she can’t get around like I want her to. I want to take her to see a museum. Or shopping to buy her some new clothes for Christmas. Or to the movies, like we used to do.

I got her to go to a couple of stores today. Small ones that she can take a quick walk around and then get back in the car. That is how we shop these days when we are together. I’m in the store and she’s sitting in the car waiting for me.

The last store on our stop has these amazing shoes and purses, so I insisted she come in with me. She cried real tears not to go in there, said her knee was killing her. I told her the knee was going to hurt at home as well and she could at least see some pretty things in the store versus being bored at home.

She came in and I found a place for her to sit in the shoe department. My mom has always had a thing for shoes, so I knew she would be fine there.

There is this thing my daughters and I like to do in shoe departments. We find the sluttiest shoes, try them on, then sashay down the aisle like fools. The higher the heel, the better, because none of us are tall and it’s like walking on stilts. And we laugh like maniacs.

So, while my mom was sitting there, I did my shoe routine. Now these were couture shoes, so I’d tell her the price first. Some of them were $2500. On sale.

Maybe it was these.

And then there are those that look like crap in the box but wowowowow when I put them on.

And it was fun, really fun, because I got to see her smile and laugh.

I found a pretty one for her and got her try it on. She didn’t stand up, only stared at it on her foot for a while with a smile on her face and said, “I used to wear sexy shoes.” For years now she’s been wearing special walking shoes because of that bad knee.

I stood there wishing I could buy it for her and she could walk in it instead of dragging around that walker. For that though, I’d have to turn back the hands of time. She will never be able to wear a shoe like that again. Ever.


12 thoughts on “Walker

  1. I have to admit that I understand your mother. I’m nearly 67 and if I had a good excuse to use a walker, I would. My knee gives out now and then. I’ve fallen a couple of times and I understand the fear. I also understand the pain. It’s not bad, but sometimes it is. It hasn’t really stopped me (and I even went to Europe this year), but if someone gave me half a reason to stay home, I would be happy to do so. My kids all sound like you and think it should be easy for me to lose weight and live a fuller life. Truth is, I’m happy with my life as it is and I don’t feel I’m really missing anything.

    • It’s scary to see these changes which have come as a surprise. I am at a point in my life where I could take her places, do things together and she just wants to stay home instead because it is so much trouble for her to walk.
      Like you, she says she’s happy at home, so I’m good with that.

    • She just turned 69. I don’t normally call a person that age elderly if they have unassisted mobility and an active lifestyle. Mom considers herself elderly.

  2. You have my sympathies. I felt the same way when my dad went to a walker (then wheelchair, etc.). The progression, and being reminded that it only gets worse from here on in, sucks.

    • It’s heartbreaking. Sometimes she’ll walk across the living room without it and i think yay, she’s back but she’s not, she’s only taking chances because the area is carpeted.
      So true things are only going to get worse with her mobility. So sad, she really used to ramble.

  3. I think that web shoe looks very sexy on you. I have very large feet, though, so on me it would look more like Spiderman’s alterego had swallowed my foot whole and with ill-intent….

  4. I totally get the fear of falling when your knee just goes out from under you. I was dealing with that at twenty. Mostly on stairs, it was stairs the knee would quit on the most. I used a brace. Has she tried a knee brace? It helps, though wearing a brace too much is a bitch because it rubs you raw and you hit points when the brace hurts more than the stupid knee and you just don’t want to put the damn thing on – but those days, she can just leave it off and stay home. It might give her more confidence in walking on days she would like to get out.

    Also I totally love the web boot. Yay!

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